Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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