so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
