i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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