he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize