Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
