I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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