ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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