too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
