oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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