i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
