My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
