yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
time to smoke my breakfast
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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