I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
