After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
