she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
