I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
