We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
