On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
