I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
