Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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