She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
