I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
did i walk over a car last night?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
