I want to make a zoo with you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
