Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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