We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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