Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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