i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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