Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
