I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
