Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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