I can tuck mytits in my pants
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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