My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
