So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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