There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
