The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
