If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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