so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
