So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
