thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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