and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
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