Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
