this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
