I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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