Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
