she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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