Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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