The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
