The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
