3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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