I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
