You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
