Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
