I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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