i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
