Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
