Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
