Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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