I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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