I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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