these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
