wrigley field is MILF paradise
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
