it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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