i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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