I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
