I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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