i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
