Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
