You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
