just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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