So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
