Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
