i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
