I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
