i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
