I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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