some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
