I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
