She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
