can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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