I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
