I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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