I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
