ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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