Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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