k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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