Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
